Sunday, June 24, 2012

Retiree's Dilemma


Retiree’s Dilemma: To Move or Not to Move (closer to the kids)
       We’re renting a cute little house in the middle of Gainesville for the summer. I know, I know, the worse time to live in Gainesville, Florida. Even though it is really, really hot in south Florida, at least we have those Atlantic breezes. Not here. And it hasn’t even started to get brutally hot yet. But the purpose of coming up here wasn’t to experience the weather; it was to see how it feels to live near our grown, busy children. The assured us that they would love to have us closer, and so far, after over a month, they have done nothing to make us think otherwise. In fact, they seem quite pleased that we are here. They stop by on their ways to various places and they arrange to meet up with us for meals, movies, etc. And we have a good time.
         Good times aside, an unexpected side effect of this move has made me more introspective than usual. (See the above post). Not having a job that demanded my creative efforts to engage and entertain bored remedial college students probably has something to do with it, but also just breaking out of the routine and waking up somewhere else every day contributes to my relentless inner murmurings. So far this blog thing has proved above my skill set; I haven’t gotten it “out there” because I don’t know how, really. I haven’t posted pictures, videos, or even made it very dynamic. Maybe I’ll learn that – later. For now, it’s just the inner musings going on.
       I have a lot less time to roam this planet than I already spent here, and even though I know that at every level, I don’t think too much about what I want to do with the time I have left. Mostly I was putting one foot in front of the other, happy to have a job that kept my brain alive and to be able to interact with people I respected and enjoyed, for the most part. There are even some notable students that have made what I do seem worth it. (Here’s to you Jimmy, wherever you are.) It’s easy to stick with what you know.
      So here’s the question: If you have made a major move in your golden years – one that brought you closer to your loved ones rather than farther away from them – how did that work out for you? If you gave up a job that at least made you feel…useful/productive, do you miss it? Did you find something else that was able to challenge you and keep your brain from rotting in your skull? Did your relationships with said loved ones blossom or wither? Did you find out things you’d rather have not known, or do you feel grateful to have added insight into the personalities of the people they became? Were you able to resist the impulse to interfere in their lives or not so much? What do you think?

Thursday, June 21, 2012

informal poll

It all started with an offhand, sympathetically intended comment that was responded to defensively. I decided to poll my "contact list" and to post it on Facebook to see what kinds of reactions I would get. I got 17 responses, varying in content, and two suggestions that I "start a blog." So, here goes.


The comment was, "You look tired." My less-than-gracious response was, "How does that help anything?


My poll asked:
HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN SOMEONE (A FRIEND, A LOVED ONE, A PARTNER, PERHAPS) SAYS TO YOU, “YOU LOOK TIRED”?


And here are the results:


Suzanne: Depends on my mood and why I am tired - if something unpleasant is going on in my life and this person is concerned, then I am okay.  Other than that they should just keep their mouth shut
Connie: My first response would be, "Thanks a lot" and then I would wonder why someone felt the need to tell me how bad I look.
Marcie G.: I feel like I should BE tired---or sick….especially if I am NOT tired!!!!If I am tired, I am disappointed that it shows! I hate to hear that!!!!
Denise B.: I feel like I must have bags and dark circles under my eyes and would rather not have it pointed out to me, thank you.
Judith: I am immediately alerted to the fact that whoever really thinks I look like shit, but is trying to be polite.  It usually irritates me. 
Laurie S.: Well, since I am tired, I just say so. Doesn't bother me.
Charlene: Most likely I do
Allison: "Usually they're right: I am tired." (My note: this woman hikes, climbs, and cycles all over the Pacific Northwest outdoors; she’s probably usually tired!)
Gary: "I try to pay attention because they're probably right."
Joal: I would wish I didn't look tired & that it wasn't so noticeable, but would think the person was concerned about me to mention it.
Roberta:  I guess it would depend upon how I was feeling at the time. If I was actually feeling tired, and if it was followed by a statement like, "Can I take care of something(s) for you so you can rest?" - I might take it as a kindness or thoughtful gesture. Otherwise...
Lois: It means you don't look good, which could be because you do look tired or just don't look involved, or…
Katherine: When someone tells me I look tired I guess I think they're probably right. Then again it's just their opinion or it's time for some lipstick.
Rhonda: I just read somewhere you shouldn't tell someone they look tired; by doing so, you are more or less criticizing their appearance; however, I have made that remark to friends on occasion out of concern.
Krista: Not my favorite, especially when you put some time into your appearance that day. Serious let down
Bonnie M.:Am I looking tired…or old?” J
Bonnie W.: I don't feel bad when someone says that. I think people say it because they care. 
Bonnie B.: That I look tired, maybe a little haggard, dark circles under the eyes.

Honestly, in the overall scheme of things, this is a minor issue, but it brought up some male-female differences I found interesting. Are we fragile creatures who need not to have our flaws commented upon? Or are the folks making the comments clueless? Are those not bothered by such a comment really just more secure than those of us that got pissed off? 

What do you think?
(Then we'll move on to something a little heavier, maybe)